Fifty
Today I turn 50. It's caused me to reflect on these past ten years and many changes that have happened in my life.
When I turned 40 it was 2009 and I was in transition from working full time at Christ the King Network Resources back into part time church pastoring and part time administrating. Our children were 13 and 10. There were fears of what the teenage years might bring, but our family of four was intact.
When I turned 40 I knew there were some troubling aspects of the version of Christianity I was living and teaching to others, but I still buried those questions and doubts deep within me, fearing speaking them out loud or really seeking different answers.
In the past 5 years I've grown up a lot. Trials of raising teenagers who are now out on their own have tested me and forced me to examine who I am, how I react to things, and what it means to have healthy boundaries. Through self examination and the help of a counselor I've identified patterns of thinking and behaving that have served me well in many situations but also have had unintended consequences. I've had to come to terms with my own failures and the limits of my own partial understanding of relationships and the human condition.
In the past 5 years I have discovered a community of authors, podcasters, and friends wrestling with and proposing answers to the same questions and doubts I've wondered about for years. These people, most of whom I'll probably never meet, have helped me hold onto my faith in God when I might have determined it was just too hard to hold onto it any more.
Today I am 50. I am much more willing to listen to people and learn from their perspective and experience. I am much less willing to assert that my own personal beliefs about things are the one and only way. My beliefs about God are much bigger, more inclusive, and more awesome than when I was 40. I have many more friends today who have come from different backgrounds than I do and for that I am incredibly thankful.
Although there are still places of brokenness that I long for healing, I have a grateful heart and I hold to hope that the future can be good. I am grateful for the surprising change of careers that happened 4 years ago and the many positive changes it has fostered in my life. I am grateful for my wife of 27 years and the amount of fun we have together.
Today I am 50 and I'm looking forward with anticipation to what this next decade will bring as I continue pursuing the Creator of All Things and continue stepping forward into the opportunities to bring joy and meaning into this world. To you my friends who are reading this, thank you for the ways you have been involved in my journey and I'm so grateful for all of you.
When I turned 40 it was 2009 and I was in transition from working full time at Christ the King Network Resources back into part time church pastoring and part time administrating. Our children were 13 and 10. There were fears of what the teenage years might bring, but our family of four was intact.
In the past 5 years I've grown up a lot. Trials of raising teenagers who are now out on their own have tested me and forced me to examine who I am, how I react to things, and what it means to have healthy boundaries. Through self examination and the help of a counselor I've identified patterns of thinking and behaving that have served me well in many situations but also have had unintended consequences. I've had to come to terms with my own failures and the limits of my own partial understanding of relationships and the human condition.
In the past 5 years I have discovered a community of authors, podcasters, and friends wrestling with and proposing answers to the same questions and doubts I've wondered about for years. These people, most of whom I'll probably never meet, have helped me hold onto my faith in God when I might have determined it was just too hard to hold onto it any more.
Today I am 50. I am much more willing to listen to people and learn from their perspective and experience. I am much less willing to assert that my own personal beliefs about things are the one and only way. My beliefs about God are much bigger, more inclusive, and more awesome than when I was 40. I have many more friends today who have come from different backgrounds than I do and for that I am incredibly thankful.
Although there are still places of brokenness that I long for healing, I have a grateful heart and I hold to hope that the future can be good. I am grateful for the surprising change of careers that happened 4 years ago and the many positive changes it has fostered in my life. I am grateful for my wife of 27 years and the amount of fun we have together.
Today I am 50 and I'm looking forward with anticipation to what this next decade will bring as I continue pursuing the Creator of All Things and continue stepping forward into the opportunities to bring joy and meaning into this world. To you my friends who are reading this, thank you for the ways you have been involved in my journey and I'm so grateful for all of you.
Comments