A long obedience in the same direction

We've had a very difficult past few years navigating a lot of pain and brokenness in our relationship with our son.  Recently, after a long time of silence between us, we spent some time together.  People around me who know how difficult it has been talked with me about the situation, and I heard a few of them say things like "You and Ann are so strong."  "I can't imagine how you two have remained joyful through this."  "I think you've handled this really well."

Those are obviously nice things to hear, since there is regularly a voice in the back of my head telling me that how I've handled things has been wrong and that I'm to blame for the pain and brokenness.  But when I heard the nice things from my friends, I've said things like, "Well, you just learn to be strong day by day."  Or something like, "It's been quite a learning curve."

But I realized yesterday that I've missed an opportunity to speak about God in those responses.  Where does the strength come from?  Where does the joyful heart come from in the midst of a long term grief?  It comes from decades of seeking to know God and follow the teachings of Jesus.  It comes from the habits of reading the Bible regularly, going to Bible studies over many years, attending worship services weekly, gathering regularly with Christian friends to discuss our faith and our lives together.  It is this lifestyle of seeking God, of humbling myself and seeking God's leadership in my life, that has been the source of my strength of character. 

Romans 8:28 says that God is able to use everything -every circumstance no matter how painful - for the good of those who love God.  I don't know how exactly that becomes true, but after decades of coming before God and saying, "I want your will in my life.  I want to be the man You've created me to be," it has made a difference.

Decades of opening myself to the work of God's Holy Spirit have created a channel where what the Apostle Paul called "the fruit of the Spirit" have been able to grow.  Love, joy, peace, patience and more flow from staying connected with the Source of all life in the Universe over a long time. 

Jesus said "I am the vine, you are the branches.  Branches that are disconnected from the vine quickly wither.  Stay attached to me and you will know true Life."  That's my paraphrase but it's there in John 15.

The title of this blog is "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction" which I borrowed from a Eugene Peterson book of the same name that I've never actually read. That is the story of my faith in God and my belief that the teachings of Jesus are the best foundation for meaningful and joyful living. 

I continue to hope that somehow in the future Ann and I will be fully reconciled to our son, and we'll be able to enjoy a mutually supportive relationship with him.  I don't know how long that will take.  I don't know how to get there.  But I will keep putting my hope in God that there is a way forward and God's Spirit will show the way in mysterious ways. 

You may not fully understand the ways of God in this world.  I don't either.  But I'm here to say through it all God has been faithful to carry me through and carry me forward.  And God will do the same for all who will do the same.


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