A Long Obedience In The Same Direction

Life Will Get Harder

2011-06-05T20:57:00.001-07:00

The young couple stands at the front of a church. She dressed in white, he in a penguin suit. As they gaze at each other the world opens up in front of them. They think of all the possibilities and joys of the years to come. The travel, the escapades, the children they will raise, the fun things they will do, the joy of simply living life together. They have no idea.

Life will get harder.

Who can tell them that they may find themselves someday deciding whether to honor their commitment to buy groceries for those future children or to fulfill their obligation to the bank?

Who can tell them that the bundles of joy they imagine in their ideal future life will repeatedly suck joy, energy, and life from them, and replace it with simply more demands?

How can you explain to them that the ideals they now hold will be tested, beaten, shaken down, until only that which is truly true remains, and it may bear little resemblance to what now drives them forward?

Yes life will get harder. But no one wants to spoil the day for the happy couple. Let them have their day. Let the joy spill over. Let the festivities romp, for soon enough Real Life will have it's turn.

The question is, what will they do when life gets harder? For it will, as certainly as autumn follows summer. What will they do then? Will the pressures of life and the disillusionment and disappointments, and just sheer marathon of difficult decisions cause them to turn on one another? Or will these same circumstances push them closer together? Will they allow the inevitable hardness of life to become a wedge that drives them onto different sides of issues, or will these circumstances become the cement that bonds them together?

It all starts right there at the altar. The vows that they say, in this fairy tale setting, actually have incredible power. Here, in front of their parents, siblings, roommates, and friends, these two blissfully naive young adults will make promises that have the power to change everything for them. In two, ten, twelve, twenty years, they will face so many challenges that it is a mercy that God does not permit foresight. But if they will stand by these vows -- to love each other sacrificially in richness and poorness, in good health and bad, for better for worse, when the kids bring joy and when they suck them dry -- then perhaps this is not such a fairy tale after all.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

2010-01-20T21:28:00.001-08:00

Yes I'm back. Haven't posted anything for months. But for our anniversary a few weeks ago Ann gave me the book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller. A few years back I read "Blue Like Jazz" by the same author and it really helped me when I was floundering spiritually and emotionally.

This book has meant a lot to me as I've read it. In fact I just finished it and really would like to read it through again and write down my thoughts on here as I go.

Basically the book chronicles what happens to Miller as he is approached by people who would like to make a movie of his memoir ("Blue Like Jazz"). The subtitle is "What I learned while editing my life."

The book challenges readers to evaluate the story they are living in light of how it might be made into a movie. Would it be a compelling story? Would it be going somewhere (would it have a point?) Would people care about the main character? Would they root for him/her?

Here's the foreword that Miller starts with:
If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn't cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers. You wouldn't tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you'd seen. The truth is, you wouldn't remember that movie a week later, except you'd feel robbed and want your money back. Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo.

But we spend years actually living those stories, and expect our lives to feel meaningful. The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful, it won't make a life meaningful either.

I don't want my life to be a meaningless story.

Refocusing prayer

2009-08-27T16:08:00.000-07:00

Eternal Father of my soul,
let my first thought today be of You,
let my first impulse be to worship You,
let my first speech be Your name,
let my first action be to kneel before You in prayer.

For Your perfect wisdom and perfect goodness:
For the love with which You love mankind:
For the love with which You love me:
For the great and mysterious opportunity of my life:
For the indwelling of your Spirit in my heart:
For the sevenfold gifts of your Spirit:
I praise and worship You, O Lord.

Yet let me not, when this morning prayer is said, think my worship ended and spend the day in forgetfulness of You. Rather from these moments of quietness let light go forth, and joy, and power, that will remain with me through all the hours of the day; John Baillie (1886-1960)

Reaching for the Invisible God

2009-02-08T17:44:00.000-08:00

Someday I hope to meet Philip Yancey. Not just shake his hand and get his autograph in one of his books, but to sit down and get to know him, for we are kindred spirits. He puts into words so many of the things that I think about and wonder about.

I've started reading his book, Reaching for the Invisible God (2000), and I've been enjoying it just as I've enjoyed so many of his other titles (What's So Amazing About Grace, The Jesus I Never Knew, and Disappointment With God being my 3 favorites).

The book is an attempt to explain what it really means to have a "relationship" with an invisible being. As an evangelical Christian I have heard the phrase "personal relationship with God" so many times, and used it so many times myself, that it can be easy to stop thinking about what exactly it means.

Yancey starts out by talking about how for his entire life he has struggled to "just believe", and that his experiences with Christians have made him suspicious when people talk about God "speaking to them". And yet, Yancey says, he keeps coming back to faith in God because nothing else can satisfy his spiritual thirst any better. Like Peter, he says "where else would I go?".

Such thoughts and feelings ring true with my own experience. Especially in the past couple of years. When I was younger it was easier for me to "just believe", but the past 5 years have shaken that easy belief out of me. I've learned more about the world, the history of (in)humanity of the 20th century, the reality that God often allows incredible evil and suffering, and the reality that many prayers go woefully unanswered.

Such experiences have forced me to try to understand my relationship with God in a different way. Faith is not so easy anymore. But it is where I finally hang my hat. When it all comes down, I hunger for God, and I believe he is real, that he cares for me, and that my life makes sense only when put in the eternal perspective.

My life echoes the prayer of the man in the gospel of Mark who pleads with Jesus, "I do believe. Help me overcome my unbelief!"

Yancey says that faith grows on the skeleton of doubt. Only when we face our doubts head on, and openly speak of our questions about the reality of how God really works (or doesn't work) in our lives will any of us begin to see a vital faith grow.

It is that type of faith that I see God developing in me, and I'm glad He hasn't given up on me yet.

Trials of Ted Haggard (part 3 - his kids)

2009-02-03T21:26:00.000-08:00

I was really interested to hear the response of Ted's adult children to the revelations about their father. It was a bit uncomfortable to even listen to them describe how they felt hearing about their father's sexual struggles. But the big thing that his daughter said was that she felt...relief.

Relief?? Yes, relief. She shared how growing up as the daughter of this iconic person who always seemed to be so perfect in every way was a real burden to her. Thus, hearing that her father had fallen from that pedestal brought her a feeling of relief from feeling like she had to live up to that standard of perfection. In some strange way, learning that her father had made some incredible mistakes actually helped her to feel like she could actually have a real relationship with him.

And all the time, Ted Haggard had lived his life feeling like if he ever shared his struggles honestly with people he would not have been accepted. So he put a big false persona around who he really was, trying to live up to the expectations everyone had of him, and that he had created for himself. But what really happened was he cut himself off from real relationships with people.

What a warning to anyone in public ministry positions. I myself know the battle of feeling like I need to meet people's expectations. Feeling like "if they really knew what I thought about this, or what I believe about that - they wouldn't accept me," ended up choking my ministry career a couple of years ago.

What I learn from Haggard and his family is that the stakes are high when you start living as a persona instead of a person.

The Trials of Ted Haggard (part 2)

2009-01-30T17:10:00.000-08:00

How should the church that Ted Haggard pastored for 20 years have handled the shocking revelations about their pastor? It is really difficult to imagine the personal pain that those men must have been feeling as they sorted through the myriad issues. But I think they got it wrong.

On the Oprah show it was explained that as part of Haggard's severance package he had to agree to move out of the state of Colorado and to never preach again. Although I think I can understand why they may have put those stipulations in the agreement, again, I think they got it wrong. To force him to leave his entire support network seems cruel. He may have decided he wanted to leave the area just to try and make a new start, but to require it of him? I know they were working through a process of helping him see counselors and helping his family get their counseling needs met, but how was he to be held up by his friends if he needed to be a state away?

More importantly, I think they really blew it when they required him to NEVER preach again. Homosexual behavior is not an unforgivable sin. Neither is lying. Neither is drug abuse. Come to think of it, I don't know of any sin that is not paid for in full by the atoning blood of Jesus.

As I listened to Ted and his wife share about the process they've been going through, I actually thought to myself that God could use Ted in some very powerful ways in the future. I thought, "In time, he could be a pastor in the church movement I'm a part of." We already have a convicted felon and several pastors with marital failures who have been restored through grace and are effectively serving as pastors. Why not a restored homosexual offender?

Is God's grace and forgiveness strong enough for all of us or is it only for those who make minor mistakes? In my mind, if there is not grace for Ted Haggard to possibly lead a church again, then what the church is selling is a cheap imitation of the lavish grace the Lord offers.

NOTE: It was mentioned on Oprah that New Life Church has since rescinded the terms of the severance package. Good for them.

The Trials of Ted Haggard (part 1)

2009-01-30T16:56:00.000-08:00

A couple of nights ago Ted Haggard was on Oprah. Yes I watch Oprah sometimes.

You may remember Ted Haggard as the disgraced pastor of a mega church in Colorado Springs who was "outed" by a male escort for purchasing meth and for his involvement in homosexual behavior.

Here's the intro to the show from oprah.com...

New Life Church leader Ted Haggard was once one of America's most charismatic and powerful evangelical leaders, with an audience of more than 30 million people. Ted began counseling foreign dignitaries and consulting on a weekly basis with President George W. Bush. By 2005, Time magazine named him one of the most influential evangelicals in America.But no one—not even his devoted wife, five children and his Colorado Springs, Colorado-based congregation—suspected that Ted was paying an admitted male escort for crystal meth. In November 2006, Mike Jones publicly alleged he'd engaged in a three-year sexual relationship with the pastor, which Ted immediately denied. Three days after the scandal broke and after a voice mail featuring Ted asking Mike for drugs was released, Ted's story unraveled. Eventually, Ted admitted to sexual immorality and to buying drugs. He later resigned from the church he helped to found.

When the news hit about Haggard I was shocked, for I had personally been to Haggard's church in Colorado Springs in the summer of 2005. One of the more memorable moments of the conference I was attending was when Haggard shared the New Life leadership structure, including the plan that was in place should he have a moral failure. I left the conference thinking what a good plan it was and how it must make everyone feel more secure about the church knowing such a plan existed.

The first thing I thought about when I heard the news break about Haggard was "I guess they'll see if that plan works now."

Seeing Haggard sharing about his life since that moment in 2006 was very interesting to me on a few different levels. 1 -How did the church respond and how should it have responded? 2 - How did his wife and family respond? 3 - Could God still use a man like Ted Haggard?

In my next entry I'll dig in...

Waiting and prayer

2008-12-29T09:33:00.001-08:00

We were visiting friends out of state and went to church with them yesterday at a small church that is on the upswing. It was a very simple, friendly, predictable service. Afterward, Ann and I got into a conversation with the pastor's wife. She told us the story of how they knew their time was up at their previous church, and they weren't really even looking for the senior pastor role, but this one just opened up and it seemed like this was where God was leading them. That was about a year ago, and the church has grown by leaps and bounds since then.

After she walked away Ann and I remarked at how we are waiting for that to happen in our lives. Feels like we've been in a transition for about 2 years, and we are waiting upon God to open the doors to the next full-time ministry position for me. And waiting. And waiting.

Then in the evening we went to a concert at a Portland downtown church. Awesome gospel style music. But I think what I got out of it the most was seeing all the evidence around the church building that they were dedicated to prayer. There were signs on the wall, powerpoint slides before and after service, and mention in their program about weekly times of prayer at the church and a coming 21 day Consecration Fast. The main wall outside the sanctuary said "My house will be a house of prayer."

All of this reminded me that prayer is the foundation upon which successful ministry is built. Time spent with God - in silence, in supplication, in meditation, in praise - has always been the constant in my life when ministry has been "working" for me. I know this element of my spiritual life needs to be raised up to it's level of importance again. Not AFTER I find that next position, but before. Now.

May 2009 be a year of renewal in my prayer life, and may I enjoy a deepening in the level of communication I feel with God as a result.

Cinderella Man

2008-11-22T23:21:00.001-08:00

Clicking through the channels the other night I stumbled upon one of my recent favorite movies, "Cinderella Man".

My favorite point in the movie is when the hero's wife, Mae, comes to him just before he takes the ring against his most feared opponent. Knowing the chance of death was real for her husband, Mae had been vocal about her disapproval of James entering the ring. But after seeing the number of working-class people pulling for him and praying for him, she has a change of heart. She finds him as he is getting taped up for the fight and says...

Maybe I understand, some, about having to fight. So you just remember who you are... you're the Bulldog of Bergen, and the Pride of New Jersey, you're everybody's hope, and the kids' hero, and you are the champion of my heart, James J. Braddock.

With that type of support, James goes out and wins the fight.

It reminds me how much support my wife gives to me, and reminds me to be grateful for the quiet, behind the scenes support she provides to me all the time. I would not be who I am today had she not said "yes" 17 years ago.

World Vision Experience AIDS

2008-11-22T15:45:00.000-08:00

Last night we went with others from our small group to an exhibit at WWU put on by World Vision. It was called the Experience AIDS project. Basically it is an interpretive center that you put on headphones and are led through the story of 1 of 4 children affected by the AIDS epidemic in Africa. It took about 20 minutes to go through. Towards the end of it you actually go into a “clinic” and wait for the results of your AIDS test. I got a red X on my hand since the child I “was” was HIV positive. It was a pretty stark reminder of the death sentence such an experience is for so many in Africa. Once again I feel incredibly blessed and moved to try to DO something more for the millions of children orphaned in Africa. World Vision has “pastor’s tours” to AIDS affected areas which I am thinking I might go on sometime in the next year. Of course I’d have to actually become a pastor again!

Next week, Monday-Wednesday everyone in our church is being challenged to live off a subsistence diet for 3 days – rice and beans – to be reminded what most of the world lives on every day of their life. Then on Wed night we’re having a Thanks Eve Service and a special offering will be sent to the International Justice Mission for their work on behalf of exploited children around the world. Our kids are already complaining about it! But I think it will make the feast on Turkey day a bit more meaningful for all of us.

Who is mad?

2008-10-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine who is an artist recently sent me a link to his "gallery" online. There I found this picture with the following quote, from one of my favorite authors.

"If the world is sane, then Jesus is mad as a hatter and the Last Supper is the Mad Tea Party.

The world says, Mind your own business, and Jesus says, There is no such thing as your own business.

The world says, Follow the wisest course and be a success, and Jesus says, Follow me and be crucified.

The world says, Drive carefully — the life you save may be your own — and Jesus says, Whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

The world says, Law and order, and Jesus says, Love.

The world says, Get and Jesus says, Give.

In terms of the world's sanity, Jesus is crazy as a coot, and anybody who thinks he can follow him without being a little crazy too is laboring less under a cross than under a delusion."

Listening to Your Life: Daily Meditations with Frederick Buechner

Life with Jesus is an adventure that will never go as planned. The minute I expect everything to go the way I expect is the minute I'm setting myself up to be disappointed.

Tozer quote

2008-10-20T21:25:00.000-07:00

I was leading worship at a church this Sunday and the pastor used this quote from theologian A.W. Tozer:

"We all have as much of God as we want."

The pastor, a good friend of mine, went on to say that what Tozer meant was that God reveals himself to those who prioritize their life around seeking him and finding Him. We all would, most of the time, rather do just about anything than sit quietly and pray for extended periods of time. It's a point well taken, that if we would really seek God more, instead of sing songs about seeking God, or hear sermons about seeking God, we would probably experience more of Him in our lives.

But I have to say that sometimes you can be doing everything you've always done to try and find our elusive God, and yet, He will be distant. I can honestly say I've cried out to God on many occasions for "more of Him". For a charismatic "baptism of the Spirit". For the gift of tongues. For the gift of prophecy.

But it didn't seem to really matter how much I prayed for it - God seemed content to sit back and answer those prayers and those efforts with silence.

So I'm not really sure that it is all up to us, as Tozer asserted. In fact, I think that one of the things God has been trying to teach me is what it really means to have faith. Faith is when you keep on believing in the elusive, unseen, silent God. Faith is not necessarily what we try and conjure up in order to perform some great act for God. Faith is what remains when God removes all tangible evidence of His presence.

Will I still pray, when it seems God isn't listening? When the answers are long in coming?

Will I still trust that God is sovereign, even when every bit of news from our tortured planet seems to drown out whatever song He is singing over His creation?

I long for the day when I will someday look Jesus in the eye. I believe it will come. But until then I will choose to follow Him, even if it seems nothing could be more foolish.

Mr Don the Science Guy

2008-09-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

I'm putting together a message that I'll teach at my home church next week on the size of the Universe! Today my daughter and I did a project I found online that brings home how vast our little Solar System is. I found it fascinating reading, but even more fascinating doing! You can read about it here.

My mind is boggling over the vastness of space and how this little speck of dust in the universe was the home for a few years of the God of the universe in human flesh. And when he walked those dusty streets he said things like "God has every hair on your head numbered." Wow! How the Creator can even care about such an insignificant corner of the universe is beyond my apprehension. But to think that He actually KNOWS and is CONCERNED about me once again makes me remember how small I am and how BIG God is.

And that's a good thing.

PS (Added October 18) You can listen to the message I was referring to above HERE. Search for "Your God is Too Small" if it is no longer visible when you pull up the page.

The Shack

2008-09-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

My wife started reading Willam Young's runaway bestseller "The Shack" a month or so ago, and I read it after her (with apologies to people waiting for it back at the library!) It seems "everyone" Ann knew was reading the book so we both were interested to find out what all the excitement was about.

I started the book with a good deal of skepticism since I don't tend to enjoy most popular Christian fiction (too predictable and poor writing). But I found "The Shack" to be an interesting read and thought provoking as well. It seems to flirt with the far edges of orthodoxy a few times, but I think overall it is a helpful book for understanding some confusing aspects of Christianity, and for giving some vivid pictures of hard to understand doctrines.

All you have to do is get used to the image of God the Father being called "Papa"and appearing as a black woman. (Ann said she kept imagining "Papa" as the head angel from "Touched By An Angel". I kept seeing Maya Angelou or Oprah!)

I thought there was some great material on just trying to get your head around the concept of the Trinity - 3 distinct persons who are one God.

The chapter entitled "Here Comes Da Judge" was especially moving for me, where God basically turns the tables on Mack and says, "OK, since you're so good at judging what is right, I'll let YOU decide who goes to heaven and who goes to hell." Very good stuff.

I also really liked the picture given in one of the final chapters of what is really happening when two people are in relationship with each other. It made me think as I went to church this morning and worshiped with our congregation here.

As in most fiction of this sort, one must remember it is FICTION. The word-pictures are helpful, but must be brought back to scripture to make sure they don't supplant orthodox ideas.

I'm glad I read it, even if all the other people I know who read it are women. :)

Franciscan prayer

2008-08-08T21:51:00.000-07:00

At the Willow Creek Leadership Summit this morning, LifeChurch.TV pastor Craig Groeschel closed with this Franciscan prayer, which summed up a lot of what I've been feeling these past couple of days.

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Amen.

Leadership that matters

2008-08-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

Went to the first day of the Willow Creek Leadership Conference today up in Bellingham. Via satellite, about 200 church leaders from our region took in the teaching of (among others) Gary Haugen, founder and CEO of International Justice Mission. The work of IJM centers on freeing victims of injustice in third world countries: children caught in slavery or sex trafficking, people thrown into prison without being formally charged of a crime or because of corrupt justice systems in their country.

Haugen's message was a powerful reminder - a wake up call really - with many strong "take aways".

He opened with the thought: If you want your leadership to matter, lead in the things that matter to God. He went on to remind us from scripture that one of God's passions is JUSTICE for the oppressed. He exhorted us with the thought that God's plan for bringing justice is to use US. That is his plan. We are to be the light of the world. And if we, as Christians, shirk our responsibility in this area, it is a sin.

Haugen went on to challenge us to take risks, to be adventurous, in our leadership and our faith. He likened most of evangelical Christian experience to staying in the visitor center at the foot of Mt Ranier, rather than actually having the adventure of climbing the mountain (with all its risks AND rewards).

As I consider where God may be leading me in my next ministry position, I felt compelled today to be sure that ministry position requires faith, is bigger than me, and will incorporate leading people to be concerned about social injustice.

For a few video highlights of Haugen's message, you can click here.

What to do with the Psalms

2008-08-01T06:54:00.000-07:00

I've recently picked up The Bible Jesus Read by Philip Yancey. Yancey is one of my favorite authors, but for some reason I've had this book for years and never finished it. In his chapter on the Psalms he shares some insights that I've found helpful for dealing with something that has bothered me about the Psalms.

There are places scattered among the 150 Psalms that say things like "God won't let anything bad happen to his chosen people" and "God will always protect you". But it doesn't take long to think of many times in history when incredibly bad things have happened to the Jews (the most recent being the Holocaust), or to Christians (as all over the world Christians are suffering persecution and martyrdom). What are we to do with these seemingly impotent promises that we find throughout the Psalms? How would a Christian arrested under Nazi germany make sense of Psalm 91's "He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge...If you make the Most High your dwelling--even the Lord, who is my refuge--then no harm will befall you..."? Closer to home, how does a pastor explain to the parents whose baby has just been born with extreme birth defects or, even worse, whose child has died, that "no harm will befall them"?

Yancey quotes an article by Neal Plantinga in Christianity Today:

What Psalm 91 does is express one -- one of the loveliest, one of the most treasured--but just one of the moods of faith....On other days, and in other moods--in other and darker seasons of his life--this same psalmist might have called to God out of despair and a sense of abandonment (such as Jesus' cry from Psalm 22 from the cross).

Seeing each Psalm as a slice of the Christian's experience rather than a promise that I can claim helps to make sense of the Psalms in a way I've never really considered before.

Yancey goes on to point out the startling juxtaposition of Psalms 22 and 23, and Psalms 102 and 103. In both these cases, one of the Psalms has the author delighting in God's comforting presence, and the other startles the reader with it's despair and agony, crying out to a God that seems to have abandoned him.

Says Yancey: "I doubt many pastors choose to preach on either pairing of those consecutive psalms--one or the other, maybe, but not both. I have learned to appreciate Psalms precisely because it does encompass both points of view, often adjoined with no calming transition. 'Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not his benefits,' says Psalm 103. The author of its nearest neighbor is desperately trying to recall God's benefits, no easy task in his condition, bones burning like glowing embers, on a diet of ashes and tears....By itself, Psalm 23 leads to an easy-answer faith; by itself Psalm 22 leads to spiritual despair; together, the two offer a bracing mixture of realism and hope."

Since easy-answer faith no longer works for me, I'm thankful for this framework from which to enjoy the incredible variety of emotions and moods present in the Psalms. Seen through this "key" the 150 Psalms become a collection of writings that present the whole picture of what it means to be a disciple of Christ.

Perseverance and calling

2008-07-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

I recently heard from my brother-in-law, a missionary to West Africa, that in the last 20 years there have been more converts to Christianity from Islam than in any time in recent history (maybe ever). He shared about how when he and his wife went, they had a number of people turn to Christ in just the first few months they were there. But he also shared the story of a couple who had ministered in the region from around 1960-1990 who saw a total of 3 people come to Christ. One, two, three. And by the time they left the mission field, two of those had returned to their Muslim roots.

When I heard that I was floored. I immediately thought "Could I have done that?" I'm actually pretty sure I could NOT have. I would have thrown in the towel many years prior to that. I would have "shaken the dust off my feet" and moved on somewhere else. I would have concluded that the Holy Spirit was not in it (for whatever reason). I would have thought I was a bad missionary. And I'm pretty sure I would have thrown in the towel after just a few years.

But not them. They stuck with it. And though there was nothing visible to show them that God was with them they remained true to the calling they had received. It must have been one strong calling!

The results of their faithfulness was that the next generation of missionaries started reaping converts. All they did was plant, and plant, and plant, scattering seed faithfully, but never enjoying the fruit of their labors.

Now the church of Jesus Christ is growing exponentially in regions where previously growth was just about nill.

I hope that as the Lord continues to fashion me into His image, this is one area I will learn to grow in. I'd like to know what it is to have a dogged commitment to the calling that has been placed upon my life. I'd like to know better what it is to say "Well, this is really hard right now, but I'm NOT quitting - this is the work God has given me and I intend to see it through." I need this type of perseverance.

Best Dad in the World

2008-07-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

I ran across this story by sportswriter Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated. For the full effect, read the story, then click to start the video. It is called "The Best Dad In The World" and was first published June 21, 2005. I saw this father featured last year when I watched the Kona Ironman Championship on ABC. Kind of puts my triathlon accomplishment in perspective!

To read the story, click here.

Then watch the video (below), for the full effect.

Lake Stevens 70.3 - Race Report

2008-07-07T17:31:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: If you're looking for deep spiritual insights you should stop reading right now!

On Sunday July 6 I accomplished a goal I've been training for since Christmas, finishing the Lake Stevens 70.3 Half-Ironman Triathlon. Here's a journal of what happened, with apologies if it is too much information

Saturday afternoon I went to Lake Stevens (near Everett, 20 miles north of Seattle) with my Dad to attend mandatory pre-race meeting and get my race packet. After listening to 30 minutes of rules and regulations (don't litter, don't pass people on the right, do

n't pass cars on

the right!) we headed to the transition are (where you go in-between the 3 segments of the race) to check in my bike, along with about 1400 other racers.

Sunday morning we woke at 4:00 after having "slept" at my sister's place in Marysville (thanks Tracy!). We arrived at 5:30 am and my heart started beating faster just from the excitement of finally being there.

At 6:25 they played the

national anthem and had a moment of silence for those not able to join us in the race. This really brought it home to me that the only way I can be a part of something like this is that I live in a free and prosperous nation.

6:30 brought the start for the elite athletes, and I got lined up with the other men age 35-39, all in our triathlon wetsuits and red swim caps, for my start at 6:41. I noticed my heart was beating at about 110 just standing on the dock (usual resting heart rate is around 70!) When the horn sounded all 110 of us in my age group started out on our 1.2 miles of swimming. The first 10 minutes I had a hard time settling into a rythym, having to breathe too often and even stopping to do the breaststroke once. Kept on telling myself "you're just swimming in Cranberry Lake in Oak Harbor by yourself....RELAX!!!"). Finally settled in and finished the swim in just over 36 minutes.

Then ran to my transition area, got out of the wetsuit, donned my biking shoes, helmet and glasses, stuffed a bunch of energy gels into my shirt pockets, and headed out on the 56 miles of biking. The course is described as "rolling hills" but does include a few pretty good climbs and descents. Topped out at just over 40 mph at one point, with my mantra of "live to ride tomorrow" going through my head. Got passed by tons of people on my $600 bike with no aerobars. Regretted not installing my set of aerobars and practicing with them, which could have cut 10-15 minutes off my biking time. Also had plenty of "bike envy" seeing the thousands of dollars invested passing me time and again. My bike was easily in the lowest 5% of bikes there for dollars invested!

The biggest problem I had was using Accelerade w/ Caffeine as my energy drink.

The caffeine gives you a nice energy boost, but unfortunately in me it makes me have to PEE. A LOT. I had to stop 3 times on the bike course and about 3 times on the run course, wasting probably 4-5 minutes of time. Won't do that again.

For a few miles I raced behind a fell0w triathlete with a prosthetic limb. I asked him how long he had been doing triathlons and he said he started about 4 years ago - 2 years before he lost his leg. Pretty inspiring, but not as much as someone else I'd encounter later.

Experienced just a bit of dizziness around mile 40, but this passed after a sucked down an energy gel.

Worst part of the course was the final 5 miles after I finished my 2nd loop of the main course and headed back toward the transition area. The final part of the course had been changed in the final week before the race and I had not previewed it. It

was mostly uphill, and my brain had told me "you're almost done" when I made the turn that pointed to the transition area.

Finished the bike in about 3:15. Not too bad (but I'll do better on my next race with aerobars!)

Switched out my helmet for a running visor and my bike shoes for running shoes. Grabbed some more energy gels and started the 13.1 mile run. The course was a moderately hilly figure eight that we ran twice. The nice thing about this was that my dad, wife, and kids were able to cheer me on four different times as I passed the middle point of the figure 8. There was a big crowd gathered along about a 1/4 mile stretch and that was awesome!

The start of the run is the WORST part of any triathlon. Your legs are saying "What are you doing? STOP!!!" But after 1-2 miles I settled into a rythym.

I had a good time chatting with people along the course. (Talking takes my mind off the pounding and monotony of the run.) Met folks from Nebraska, New York, Georgia, Alaska, and Seattle along the way. The one from Alaska was a 69 year old grandmother who was running at my pace. Oldest man I saw on the course was 61 (ages are marked on each racer's left

calf muscle).

With about 5 miles to go I noticed two racers ahead of me, tied together with a short rope. When I got closer I read the words on the yellow jersey of the guy on the right. It read "BLIND RACER". Turns out he did the whole race connected to one very good friend. Did the swim tethered together, biked on a tandem bike, and then ran with that rope tying them together. That nearly brought tears to my eyes as I came up behind them and applauded them as I passed.

Had a few minor cramps in my quads about half-way into the run, but took in a bunch of gatorade and that solved that problem. (But of course led me to need another POTTY STOP as well!)

12 miles into the run I saw the finish area around the lake ahead of us, and I started going a bit faster. With 1/4 mile to go, the crowds starting getting bigger and I stepped it up again. As I turned the final corner I saw my family at the near end of the "chute" leading to the finish line. I got the chills, a huge adrenaline rush, and a big smile on my face as I realized I was almost there. Sprinted the final 100 yards and crossed the finish line in 5:56:09, beating my goal of 6 hours!

In this picture of the finish chute, you can see Bethany running behind me as I sprinted to the finish line. Ann told me later that a lot of the dads stopped and picked up their kids or ran hand in hand with them over the finish line. I was a bit embarrassed to say that thought never entered my brain as I pushed for the finish line! (I always have been task oriented, for better or worse!)

My Dad was there at the finish line to congratulate me his way - with a grin and a

firm handshake!

OK that's all! I'm done bragging. It was an awesome experience and a thrill that I will remember...until the next time!

Annatella

2008-07-04T18:20:00.000-07:00

I've been commuting on public transit (the bus) a couple of days a week to save on gas money for the past few months. Yesterday on my way to work the bus was crowded and I had to sit next to someone else (I always search for my "own" seat!) I sat next next to a woman who must have been in her early twenties, said hello, and then proceeded to pull out my Bible to read a bit. She immediately asked "what's your favorite part?" and we then proceeded into a very interesting conversation.

After a few minutes she told me she was a counselor who helped people get back on their feet who had been down on their luck. I told her that when I was a pastor one of the hardest things for me was dealing with the counseling. I always felt like I had to have a good solution to their problem, and somehow felt like if they didn't leave with some helpful advice (that ended up WORKING) I had somehow failed. She shared with me that she just keeps her "energy" in the place she finds herself. While she is counseling someone, she puts her whole self into it, but when that person walks out, she doesn't hold onto the "energy" of that conversation. She just gives herself to the next moment of her day.

I told her if she could do that then she was well suited to her job. I told her my name, and she told me her name was Annatella.

I'd sure like to get better at that skill so when I become a pastor again I won't be so prone to emotional highs and lows according to how well OTHER people's lives go.

You never know what you might learn on the bus.

Love & Logic

2008-06-26T22:20:00.000-07:00

Parenting. By far the hardest thing I've ever done. The lil' buggers just keep on changing, so as soon as we think we've got something working, it doesn't work anymore!

Before we even adopted our kids, we were required to read "Parenting With Love and Logic" by Cline and Fay. It had a lot of really great parenting philosophies, but at the time we didn't even have kids!

12 years later we're reading "Parenting TEENS With Love & Logic" and have been discussing it with each other.

Initial applications for me -

children will become what you call them. (If you call him or her a liar, guess what kind of behavior you'll get??)

children love to push your buttons - at some level it gives them joy to see you frustrated. My job is to deny them this joy!

children need to face the natural consequences of their actions. Good parents don't save their kids. Bad parents do.

Lots more to learn, that's for sure!!

Flat

2008-06-14T16:17:00.000-07:00

So I'm heading out on what is to be a 26 mile bike training ride this morning. A couple miles into it I start thinking about how I've never had a flat tire on a ride, and what a bummer it would be to have one happen to me in the Lake Stevens 70.3 and have to "learn" how to fix it while in the race.

Not 5 minutes later, while cruising down one of my favorite hills at about 30 miles an hour, I heard a "pop" and thought to myself "hmmm...that sounded weird...a bit sharper sound than a rock". Then about 30 seconds later I heard my back tire going thump thump and had to carefully apply my brakes to come to a stop.

Pulled my bike over into a safe spot and removed the back tire. Found a nice bent nail lodged in my tire, and then spent the next 15 minutes learning how to use all the handy-dandy tools I carry in my pack under my seat for just such an occasion. Got the new tube inserted, put the tire back on the rim, put the tire back on the bike, and then attached the CO2 cartridge to the valve to pump it up. Unfortunately I wasted a good portion of the gas and I could not get my tire up to enough pressure to ride on it. Thankfully had a cell phone on me and Ann was able to come and "save" me.

So....at least I know I can do it now, but I sure hope that's my last flat in a long time!

21 days to Lake Stevens!!!

What is a pastor's primary work?

2008-06-13T14:41:00.000-07:00

In the epilogue of the 20th anniversary edition of A Long Obedience In The Same Direction, author Eugene Peterson summarizes the guiding principles of his work as a pastor:

The first conviction was that everything in the gospel is livable and that my pastoral task was to get it lived....

The second conviction was that my primary pastoral work had to do with Scripture and prayer. I was neither capable nor competent to form Christ in another person, to shape a life of discipleship in man, woman or child. That is supernatural work, and I am not supernatural. Mine was the more modest work of Scripture and prayer--helping people listen to God speak to them from the Scriptures and then joining them in answering God as personally and honestly as we could in lives of prayer. This turned out to be slow work. From time to time, impatient with the slowness, I would try out ways of going about my work that promised quicker results. But after a while it always seemed to be more like meddling in these people's lives than helping them attend to God.

Slow work indeed. There is definitely a lust in evangelical Christianity (and if I'm honest, in myself) for the magic program that will grow disciples and a bigger church with a nicer building and bigger budget and more ways to help more people. But I think Peterson is on to something here. The work of pastoring must be done in a way that is grounded in, and continually returns to, Scripture and prayer.

There will always be good ideas that are new and can help a church to be more effective, but if the focus of my ministry ever leaves the foundation of Scripture and prayer it will become irrelevant in the long run.

Preventing Ministry Failure

2008-06-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

All of the pastors for CTK are now in small groups going through a workbook called "Preventing Ministry Failure" by Michael Todd Wilson and Brad Hoffman. Though not currently a pastor, as a member of our church council I am going through the book with the 3 other pastors on our council. We just started the first section this week and already I feel like I've got my money's worth.

The book starts with these startling statistics. Of ministers in the United States:

25% have been forced out of or fired from their ministry at least once.
90% feel inadequately trained to cope with ministry demands.
80% believe that pastoral ministry affects their families negatively.
45% say they've experienced depression or burnout to the extent that they needed to take a leave of absence.
40% have serious conflict with a church member at least once a month.
20% admit to having an affair while in the ministry.
37% admit the Internet pornography is a current struggle.
70% do not have someone they consider a close friend.

I guess I was not alone in feeling burned out, isolated, and overwhelmed by the demands I felt on myself as a pastor. But in just the first few pages I found something that helped me understand better what happened to me.

"...(M)inistering under a "god complex" can set us up for a fall through our own unreasonable internal expectations of ourselves--especially when our efforts aren't as successful as we had planned or as others had anticipated. Many a minister has been irreparablly wounded from such a fall." (p. 19)

I know that I was by far the person most critical of my pastoral ministry. I felt like if things didn't happen according to what I thought should happen then somehow it reflected on my leadership or my spiritual life or my faith. I see now more clearly that this was poison in my spiritual life. With this false view, there was no other recourse other than to resign when things at the church didn't turn out right. I pushed myself into the corner where I started feeling trapped by the demands of ministry, because I did not give God enough room to be sovereign over my plans enough to let them fail.

As I consider re-entering pastoral ministry, I know this is an area I must change if I am to be able to stick with it over the long haul.

A seed coming to fruition

2008-06-03T22:17:00.000-07:00

Tonight Ann and I directed the spring concert for OHCS Middle School choir. We've been directing the choir for...6 years now?? Wow.

One cool part of the concert this year was that we asked Jordan, a high school junior, who was in our choir for 3 years at OHCS, to come and be a student director for a couple of songs.

I had talked with his father earlier in the year (he happens to be our accountant), and he told me of Jordan's love for choir, and how he had an incredible experience at All-Northwest Choir, and won a solo/ensemble competition. ( I see a lot of myself in Jordan by the way...) But then he said to me that it was Jordan's experience in our little middle school choir that really ignited in him his passion for music which is being fanned into flame at the High School level.

Ann and I have always said that whether it was leading youth choir at a church or leading the middle school choir at OHCS, our biggest goal was to develop in our students a life-long love for music and for worshipping in song.

It was gratifying tonight to see that for at least one student, it is paying off.

This all reminds me that sometimes the most important thing you can do as a Christian leader is to lift a younger disciple's eyes up higher than their own experience and point out the higher ground. Show them what could be possible, and they are more likely to strive for it and discover more meaning in their faith. Just like the middle school choir, there will be plenty of people who just mess around and miss the opportunities they have to grow. But there will also be those who will have the spark of their faith fanned into flames through my example, my life, my words.

So again, I've got to stay in the race and make every day count. For this spiritual journey I'm on is definitely an endurance race.

Triathlons in perspective

2008-06-01T20:42:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I finished my 4th triathlon, returning to Issaquah where I did my very first race last May. It was definitely a different feeling returning for the 2nd time. I didn't have any of the "will I be able to do it" thoughts and feeling (I'll save those for my half-ironman in July!), but it sure was a blast and something that kept me awake a lot of the night before in anticipation!

I was disappointed in my swim (haven't spent enough of my training time in the pool - and it's been too dang cold to practice in the open water this spring), but was quite happy with my improvement on my running time (biking was a bit SLOWER than last year - how'd that happen?)

This morning I was reminded of 1 Tim 4:8 as I did my morning devotions. "Physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise both for the present life and the life to come."

Training for and racing in triathlons has been a great motivator and helped me get out of my depression of 2 years ago. I am probably in better shape now than any other time of my life. Physical training is of SOME value. But it pales in comparison to the value of godliness and a life of relationship with my Creator.

I will never win a triathlon, this I know. I'll never spend the time and money it would take to get THAT fast. But I do know I'll finish the race my Lord has set out before me. Staying in, and completing, that race is of so much more value than bragging rights after a triathlon!

Nothing happens the same way twice

2008-05-28T20:49:00.001-07:00

Another interesting line from Prince Caspian is when Lucy asks Aslan why things aren't working out the way they did the last time they were in Narnia. Aslan responds, "Nothing ever happens the same way twice."

I want things to always work the same way. In relationships with people, I want to always know what to expect. If I act in a certain way, I want to be certain people will respond the way they did the last time. But I really want God to act in the same way. If at a certain point in my past I received an answer to my prayers when I fasted - I expect that God will come through if I fast again. If I felt close to God by singing a certain song or reading a certain book, I want to re-create that experience time and again - but it never seems to work.

I remember going back on my 2nd tour with the Continental Singers back in 1989, having had such an incredible, life changing tour in the summer of 1988. The "sophomore" tour did not live up to my memories of the first tour in so many ways.

This Saturday we're returning to Issaquah for the 2nd time for the Issaquah Triathlon/Kids Tri/5K. I am trying to tell myself it won't be nearly as exciting as it was last year, when it was my first Triathlon, but really I hope it will be!

God has a way of forcing us to keep on having faith in him by keeping us guessing, just like Aslan did in Prince Caspian. If he always acted in a pattern pretty soon we would learn how to manipulate Him and he would no longer be our Lord and Master - he would be our gimmick.

Where are you, Aslan?

2008-05-27T18:56:00.000-07:00

Took the family to see the "Prince Caspian" movie yesterday afternoon. The story follows Peter, Edmund, Susan, and Lucy as they are called back to Narnia for another adventure, only it has been 1300 years since they left as Kings and Queens. In those 1300 years, Narnia has undergone terrible changes. A race of men (the Calormenes) has dominated the land, and has tried to exterminate the Narnians. Prince Caspian is forced to flee his rightful Kingdom due to treachery and threats on his life, and he flees to the land of Narnia with a magical horn (which had belonged to Susan 1300 years earlier) with which he summons the 4 English children back to Narnia.

Throughout the story the big question that hangs over every scene is: "Where is Aslan?" He hasn't appeared in many generations. He didn't seem to do anything to stop the slaughter of the Narnians. And he doesn't seem to be very interested in helping save the day as the exiled Prince Caspian tries to free the remaining Narnians and bring peace to the land.

The only one who claims to have seen him is Lucy (the youngest child) and she only caught a glimpse of him on the other side of a ravine. She claims he wanted them to follow him, but no one is willing to step out into thin air toward the supposed call of Aslan.

Not until many battles have been fought (and lost) and much blood shed, does Peter finally send Lucy and Susan out to find Aslan. Peter realizes that what they really need is Aslan- it is desperate without his help. But in the meantime, someone has to fight off the enemy. So the battle rages, teetering on the edge of disaster, until finally Lucy, alone in the forests of Narnia, finally comes upon Aslan (or Aslan appears to her). His roar awakens the deep magic of Narnia, and the battle ultimately turns in favor of the Narnians. Peace returns to the land, finally.

It's a great story, but it sure reminds me of how often God seems to have vacated our world. Sure we hear stories of people generations ago who walked and talked with Him, and saw miraculous signs, but what about now? What about during the crusades? During the holocaust? During the innumerable wars that have been fought and continue to rage today? Does He care? Where is he?

If C.S. Lewis' story has anything to suggest, perhaps God has allowed humankind to push him to the margins of our world, and he is content to stay there until he is earnestly sought after. Perhaps he is waiting for people who, like Lucy, will put everything aside and seek Him. Perhaps he is waiting to reveal himself to people who realize their only hope is in His help, and who are willing to wait for his revealing.

Perhaps.

Holding out for the best

2008-05-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

I have a friend with whom I went running this morning. He's a 34 year old single Christian man, who has been dating someone for about 7 months. The big question whenever we get together is..."So...are you going to ask her to marry you?"

The problem is, he realizes that he and his girlfriend, though they are both good people, have some pretty major differences in life priorities. She doesn't want children (he does), she is very focused on her life goals and not too willing to accomodate someone else's dreams. I told him that as much as I want him to get married and start a family (since this is his desire) I'd hate for him to settle for less than the best. 50 years of marriage with someone you don't really agree on some fundamental life priorities is not a prescription for happiness or fulfillment, but rather frustration.

I pray that when my children are old enough to be considering such questions, they will hold out for the best in their future mate. I pray they will find a person who loves Jesus and wants to spend their days serving Him together. I pray they will find a person who makes them feel more alive and whose life priorities mesh with their own. It's a lot to pray for. But I know it's possible.

Family

2008-05-24T12:02:00.000-07:00

Gary D. had a triple bypass last night. I really wanted to just get in my car and drive to Canby last night. I knew I couldn't really do anything, but I wanted to just be there with the Davis clan.

In the last couple of weeks the Davis clan has weathered this emergency of Gary's, Ashlie's broken back, and Josh's separated shoulder. As we talked about this, and Ryan prayed for them at dinner tonight, we talked about when you go through tough times family is what gets you through. You can handle just about anything if are not facing it alone.

We know our kids are not perfect, but we are striving to give them a strong foundation and the knowledge that no matter what happens in their lives, they are not alone. They have a wonderful extended family, and friends here and in Canby that are in many ways closer than family.

It's a blessing for them, and for me and Ann.

Put the ball in play

2008-05-24T11:58:00.000-07:00

I read tonight on my nephew's blog how as a worship leader for youth he consistently feels like something is missing from their times of worship, even though they are well planned and executed. Below is my response to him.

Josh,

Gotta say having led worship for years most of the time it felt like something was strangely missing. Very few home runs were hit. The key is to keep coming to the plate. Try to put the ball into play. Consistently getting "on base" as a worship leader or as a worship team will bring fruit over the longer haul.

I actually think one of the most difficult things about ministry work (be it leading worship or preaching or leading a small group or whatever) is that we always have these incredible ideals about what it SHOULD be, but we have to live with how it really is. So...my word of encouragement is keep guarding your first love, do your best to put together and lead meaningful times of worship, and leave the results to God. Your life is making a difference.

I have found great joy in the last couple of weeks leading worship at CTK Oak Harbor. Really the last few months. I find now that I'm a volunteer worship leader I have a much less frantic feel as a worship leader. I think I feel less like I HAVE to make something happen (or maybe I'll get fired?) I find it easier now to relax and leave the results to God as I explained to Josh.

Jim & Casper go to church

2008-05-24T11:54:00.000-07:00

Originally written Dec. 29, 2007.

My friend loaned me a book called "Jim & Casper Go To Church". Basically it is conversations between a Christian pastor guy (Jim) and an open minded atheist guy (Casper) about their experiences at 12 different churches in America. A good read, and it's provoking some thoughts.

Casper is very unimpressed with churches spending lots of $ on technology. Yes, use the technology that is available, but don't worry about doing a stage show rivaling rock concerts. Casper is also very impressed with churches that actually DO things like serve the poor and make a tangible difference in a poor community. To him it doesn't make much difference what people talk about or "believe" or sing about in songs. He keeps saying "is this what Jesus had in mind?" when he goes to megachurches.

In my own spiritual journey I've felt that too much of my life was about proclaiming beliefs and not enough about actually DOING stuff to impact the world. In my spiritual traditions, so much emphasis is put on "accept Jesus and everything in your life will change". So then the emphasis in evangelism is always upon somehow getting an unbeliever to change their beliefs. But it doesn't seem to work very often.

I find myself nodding in agreement to a lot the Casper says, and wondering if 2008 might not be the year that I actually start to put some hands and feet into what I call "Christianity". The website for the organization run by the author of the book is http://www.offthemap.com/

Back in the saddle

2008-05-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

Originally written May 19

After nearly a year since I resigned my post as Pastor of CTK Oak Harbor, I delivered the message yesterday. Actually, I led worship (with Ann) AND taught AND did a pre-marital counseling session following church! How did it feel? Like putting on an old shoe.I felt like I was in my element - helping people understand the Bible, and sharing with them insights they found interesting and inspirational. God has given me a gift for teaching. And I need to be using it again. I want to be using it again.

I spoke on the life of Asa as recast in 2 Chr 14-16. Whereas in Kings he is held up as a hero, in Chronicles he is chided for lack of faith later in life. He traded faith in God for reliance upon himself. And he died a bitter, lonely, self-sufficient man. As I prepared and taught that message I realized I was preaching to myself. I have spent the last year or two running away from a life of faith that I have always lived. I have tried to figure out ways to provide for myself and stop relying on the Church to care for me and my family. I have wanted to make pastoral work something I do as a hobby, when God has called me to make it my vocation.

It will be very interesting to see how the next 6 months progress. Where will God lead me?Will Ann and I have the courage to put ourselves and our kids through a move to a new area if that is the way God leads us? Will we, in fact, live by faith and not by sight?

Life Is An Endurance Sport

2008-05-24T11:48:00.000-07:00

Originally written May 13

In just over 2 weeks I'll start my 2nd season of Triathlon racing. It's about time. Been spending too much time trying to train and it's getting boring! It's time for the thrill of the crowd, the surge of adrenaline at the starting gun, the thrill of competition!

Perhaps one of the reasons I've been so drawn to going into triathlons is that I enjoy the challenge and mental discipline endurance sports have forced me to develop. Just keep going. Keep pushing.

I reached a point in my spiritual life that I didn't want to stay in the race a couple of summers ago. I didn't care any more, and I've taken a hiatus. But I'm getting anxious to get back in the race. To use the gifts God has given me on more than administration.

I'm learning that life is an endurance sport. You go through times of boredom. You go through times of highs and lows. But you've got to keep going. You've got to keep your eyes on the finish line, where Jesus awaits with the finisher's medal to put around your neck, and you'll hear those words, "Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into your rest."